18

Ladies and Gentlemen,

This post was meant to come earlier (probably July/August as this was around my birthday) but I couldn’t be bothered because I wanted to relish in the last few weeks of my holiday and really enjoy the last days of summer so bad without any form of disturbance; that, and the fact that I’m just lazy as hell. I’ve basically been procrastinating, plus I did warn that my posts were gonna be somewhat spontaneous (even though it’s been a year since my last post :)) so…yeah. Moving on…
Most people say 18 was probably the best year of their life…well, not me.
July 2014 to July 2015 (especially from January 2015) were probably the worst most hectic and busiest 12 months of my life so far as I fell into a whole new world of fuck-ups (excuse my french this one time) immediately I turned 18. Basically, being 18 comes with a lot of responsibility and obviously you also have to be 18 to do a lot of things (in the U.K). Being 18, you couldn’t get away with things most people would usually get away with if they were 17 or younger.

First and foremost, (speaking from experience) normally if you’re below 18 and applying for anything or doing anything that has to do with government registration, it would be hella breezy, in other words relatively easy, because well you’re still considered a  minor and all is well with the world. Being 18 on the other hand within this period throws you into a world of chaos and disorganization as you have a ton of things to prep for , write and pass; you also have to get your National insurance number, make sure your bank account is on fleek and even gun for a driving license if you aren’t that fortunate plus a truckload of exams and courseworks you have to write to top it all off (all within the space of less than 2 – 3 months). BRUH…
Nowadays you have to book appointments on your own, go to hospitals alone etc. There are so many instances I could give but I’m not tryna write a dissertation for you guys lol. You will be here for the next 3 hours, lol.

On a more serious note though, I think things gradually became easier to grasp when I turned 19 in July, my life became more organised and I’m now able to control certain aspects of it, so all is well with the world; but I don’t think it has fully dawned on me that I’ll be turning 20 next year, perhaps I’m still in denial. It’ll probably hit me when we enter 2016 and I get depressed for the next few months afterwards. The worst part is that you don’t really feel any more mature than you presently are (there are probably changes in things you say/do that even you may not necessarily notice).Life as an 18-year-old wasn’t all that bad, there were some good things about it but my case just felt hella special in some way lol.

Quick advice: The worst mistake you can make is growing up too fast. Enjoy your present age and be as mature as possible as age has nothing to do with maturity. In my case for example, I’m presently 19 and I’m not trying to act older than I already am. When 19’s over, then I’ll focus on being 20; I’m not trying to rush the process because you can always go forward in time; time will always go forward, but it will never go backwards. You’re never going to relive these days over again. So just live in it. Enjoy it AND live life to the fullest.

Watch this space for a couple more posts appearing on your dashboards anytime soon… I’ll try to be as consistent as possible. Deuces

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Random Life Update

Hi there, I could make up a million and one excuses for why I haven’t really posted anything in a while…but the truth is there isn’t… Or is there?

So basically, the past few months (after summer) has been really horrible. I feel like I was cursed or something. The worst was when my laptop decided to die on me. I took it in for repairs and they said it needed system re-installation and all that crap. Suddenly my laptop hard drive became faulty too.. To cut the long story short, I spent over £170 repairing this thing and lost all my data that was saved on the stupid laptop. To be very honest with you, I cried…like literally cried with tears and everything. All my assignments, essays…everything was gone and all hope was lost. Even my stupid back up hard drive refused to work. At this point, my blood pressure was over the roof to be very honest with you. Stress levels increased and all but luckily for me some of the essays I wanted to submit were still saved in the drafts section of my email; and thank God I had the initiative to save some stuff on my USB drive. The I.T guy who fixed my laptop said it was still possible to get all my work back, but I had to contact some data-retrieving company that would charge me about £500. -_- Well, ain’t nobody got time fo’ that.

That aside, I honestly haven’t made out time for myself. My life is such a mess right now… like tangled thread sorta mess. Plus I haven’t even called my friends in months! Even the ones in school are now on a hi & bye based friendship.. 😦

But then again, ladies and gentlemen, I am alive and well today. Tenk you and bye 🙂 xx

Beautiful!!

whatmorecanyugosay

HEY HEY HEY!!!

This would be my first official post on this blog. This is like a Month and some days after it was made but we thank God for the inspiration and the time to do this.

Now the topic for today is “BEAUTIFUL”.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS WORD???

I see it everywhere, hear it a lot and I notice the way girls blush and their bodies shake when they are told they are beautiful. Why? Lol. It must really be a big deal to be called beautiful init? I was called beautiful by a friend some days back and I was blushing all through the day even under this my Black Skin. I was wondering why I was so happy. Maybe because not everyone is usually given that kind of compliment. I wonder why. I also observed boys call some girls beautiful and I see others…

View original post 711 more words

Let it out

There are so many things I just feel like sharing/telling you guys on this blog (at least those who know that I have a blog anyways); but sometimes I just can’t articulate them (‘them’ being my thoughts) into words. You know…One thing I really like about blogging is that sometimes when you feel the need to talk to someone about something or maybe rant, but you really don’t want to, your blog is always there for you. It acts as a replacement of an individual listening to your every complaint about things that are relevant, irrelevant. and basically every other thing that crosses your mind and stays silent and then you get that feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment when you’re done. Lol, bear in mind that I’m referring to the blog as a human a.k.a personalisation. Get my drift? Lol 🙂

Then again… you may have restrictions, in other words even when you type things up, you may still have doubts about posting it due to sensitivity of issue, it might be way too personal and it’ll just end up being in your drafts till God knows when. I don’t know if it’s just me that does this but when I don’t feel the need to blog about something, I just type it up in Microsoft word and save it as a document. Lol, weird…I know. But it helps or works especially when you want to rant or talk about something and you do not want anyone being all judgemental and all. So it’s basically a way of letting off steam, I think. Lmao, you might as well be saying “why doesn’t she keep a diary then?” Lol, I don’t keep one because of the following:

1) I don’t need to.

2. I think it’s old-fashioned.

3. I see it as a waste of time.

4. I can be a very careless goat sometimes. Lol, someone will DEFINITELY find that diary sooner or later.

5. Don’t you watch movies? When people’s diaries fall into the wrong hands, things go wrong e.g. It’s always used to either blackmail them or it  may end up being used as evidence against the individual.

Lmao! That last one was a joke O:) but still…I could care less to be honest. Like I always say, to each his own. One man’s meat is another man’s poison.

There was this quote I saw on Tumblr a few days ago that I think is relevant in a way to this post. It read;

“REMEMBER,
YOU WERE A WRITER
BEFORE
YOU EVER
PUT
PEN TO PAPER.
JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT WRITING
EXTERNALLY.
DOES NOT MEAN YOU WERE NOT WRITING
INTERNALLY.”

Deuces.

P.S Thanks to everyone who actually reads my blog. ‘Preciate it. 🙂

Having those “moments”

“Having those little bouts of depression all of a sudden…”

This is me in a nutshell…basically. Pretty random but yeah.

“Lately I’ve been feeling unable to properly articulate my thoughts and feelings into words that suitably convey them. It’s one of those days when my true introvert takes over and I want to hide under a rock. And not say a word. (I think I’m more of an introvert than an extrovert to be frank with you). On those days, I don’t recognize myself and my own nonchalance confounds me. I want to just sit. Not lie down, just sit and stare. I don’t have the energy to smile and pretend to be happy or to care about conversations I would usually care about. I can’t look those I love in the eyes. Can’t bear to see them so concerned, so perturbed that the ball of cheer they used to know is completely opposite to her usual self. I can’t look at them because most of them will not understand that I just want to be alone. Because I don’t want to bawl and make a fool of myself in public. I can’t tell them that I’m sad because I’m homesick or because no one really understands sometimes.

I can’t say all these because then I sound cliché. Like all those “teenagers”. I can’t listen to myself complain about how lost I feel and how no one understands and so I say “I’m fine” and attempt a smile while I hope they believe the smile. I also hope no one believes my fake smile sometimes because I know I do a really bad job at it and it would be heartbreaking if anyone I knew or was close to was really stupid enough to fall for it. Sometimes when I feel this way, I’m happy because then I can honestly say how I feel about certain things and my ruthlessness feels so good. It surprises me and terrifies me, but the release is so selfishly refreshing. It’s my own hideous oxymoron. I see the surprise and fear reflected in their own eyes and I’m happy to have done a good and proper ruthless job.

Then I go home and sulk quietly. I might write about it and then post it five weeks after because I really don’t want anyone trying to decipher me, or even worse, succeeding. After all mystery is supposed to be attractive.And then I pray. I pray that my God understands that I’m just a teenager with all these hormones and disturbances. I know he sees my true self and my heart and he knows I’m no ruthless person. Well, most times.

And then when the storm has passed, I slowly feel myself bloom. Ever so slowly. And smiling feels real and not like my face is unmoving plastic. And my heart beats better. And I’m happy again. And my friends recognize me. And they pretend that everything I’d said in honesty was just me under the influence. I try to consolidate those things, make them realize the truth, but it really is up to them.”

At the moment, I’m just a happy bunny and I really don’t care.

Perception of Africa

I really am just trying to express my deepest thoughts in the most non-confrontational way possible. All this preamble is because I want you all to know that if I sound a little annoyed, it’s because I am a tad irritated by this situation and I yearn to set some things straight and discharge any misconceptions.

It’s about Africa; Nigeria. It’s about the gross misrepresentation of Africa and the immensely condescending responses of people who have no idea of what Africa is to her. Where to begin? Africa is a wonderful place with some of the most hospitable people in the world, some of the friendliest and kindest hearts you’ll ever know… at least I can say that about Nigeria. Everyone looks out for everyone. And while it may seem that this results in a great deal of nosiness, it is truly comforting to know that you cannot be attacked in the presence of people whether or not they know you without finding strangers who’ll chase your attackers and recover your lost belongings on your behalf. People will not turn up their noses or shrink back and pretend unawareness when they see you in trouble, regardless of your race.

Yes, I mentioned race. I do not like to talk about race. I’m that person who pretended race did not exist and until I moved continents, the biggest form of racial prejudice I knew was that African parents are not keen on having their children marry white people. Well, most Nigerian parents. They’re terrified of this possibility and while I believe in seeing the person and not the colour, sometimes it’s not even about colour, it’s how the colour and person is raisedYou see, Nigerians grow up watching American movies and reading American books (at least I did); we know A LOT about how people in the Western world live, I knew about mashed potatoes, tortillas, meat loaf, shepherd’s pie before I was ten and I had never tasted any of them. Let’s not forget that as a child growing up in the 90′s and early 2000′s without internet and DStv, I didn’t have a lot, but I knew. It is therefore shocking to me (yes, shocking) that people on this side of the world know close to nothing about Africa.

A large part of the blame is our administration’s for not putting out enough good representation to combat the bad, no doubt. African Governments contribute to the ignorance with issues of corruption and fraud. The media also contributes to this. Unfortunately, a lot of the things we see, read and hear about Africa tend to be bad. But, it still baffles me that all some people know about Africa is that there are children dying of AIDS or hunger or something. Maybe I lived a very sheltered life, but I’ve never seen one of those AIDS-ridden children in Nigeria. I know they exist in other African countries and it’s sad, but it’s also sad that that’s all some very educated and ‘exposed’ people KNOW about Africa. A British professor does not know that Nigerians don’t speak ‘Nigerian’ and that there are over a hundred languages in our country. It’s our diversity. We don’t all need to speak the same language to be united because we have this amazing kind of English called ‘pidgin’. A Ukrainian actually considers believing that African women produce BROWN breast milk. Yes. Shocking. HOW? I was recently asked if Nigerians wore trousers in Nigeria and I asked what the person thought we wore? ‘long flowy dresses’. As ethereal as that sounds, I beg to differ, we are not flowy gown wearing people, but like every other part of the world, Nigerian women are fashionable and very trend conscious. At least she did not picture us as half dressed people swinging a la George of the jungle with elephants and giraffe. Can I just say now that I’ve never seen either live because we don’t have them in my country.

Nigeria and Africa are victims of the ‘single story trap. The world only knows one side of all the beauty that is us. The world only sees starving children, jungles, safaris, AIDS, mud houses and hot sunshine when they hear Africa and with a bleeding heart, I urge you to find Africa, find Nigeria, because you know nothing about us. I’ll leave a few sites below that showcase Nigerian food,music and culture and monuments and literature below and if you really care and if you never want to seem condescending while you pretend to know us by what flowers and trees we grow or if our ankara is cotton or greeting every Nigerian ”Ba Oni”, then take the time to see beyond the single story. We can tell when your smile is condescending and when you think our accents are too heavy. We don’t like it when you mispronounce our names and it confounds us how the CNN can pronounce Russian names like ‘Tsarnaev’ and not ‘Chinua’. It’s worrisome that some people have no idea that Nigerian authors exist, but they seem so curious about Nigeria. Reading is a fine step.

Rice is not all we eat. If that’s all you see us eat, it’s because that’s all you have for us in your countries, no offense. We eat moin-moin, yam ( a lot), egusi, afang (no, its not spinach), tuwo,okpa,akamu, akara, abacha, plantain and more. There are thousands of recipes on YouTube if you actually want to know. We do not understand the fascination with our hair. A lot of Nigerians do not like to have their hair touched – it’s strange. No one at home touches our hair and too much/unnecessary touching makes us feel like exhibition pieces in museums. We also do not know all the Nigerians who live in the same country as we do. It’s not possible. Do you know Fela? Do you like his music? No? It would be nice if you listened to him.. and Lagbaja and Asa. They’re very Nigerian. Don’t expect us to know your ‘indigenous’ artistes if you don’t know ours and don’t make us feel bad about it. If we give you gifts- African gifts; ankara, beads- wear them proudly. Our parents raised us well and we do not like to refuse food or hurt people’s feelings so try not to force us to eat things we do not like because you could not eat ogbono soup or goat meat peppersoup even if we paid you. Respect our cultures like we respect yours. We do not have ‘national songs’, there is no such thing. There is a Nigerian/National anthem and many Nigerian songs. Ever watched Ije’? The Nollywood film? You should watch it. Or ‘Araromire’? If you want to see the beauty of Africa, she won’t be a mystery. You just have to try. These are both amazing movies in my own opinion. Normally, some of these nollywood movies are very cliché &  repetitive but these two (and a few others) have very good storylines and have won many awards both locally and internationally.

I was upset. Really upset. I feel better. If you’re Nigerian, or African, I hope this makes you feel better and if you’re not… I hope this helps you. Ignorance is not a good look. If you care, if.. then try. If not, keep walking and don’t be surprised if you never ‘understand’ Africans. I love all my non-African friends, but life is better with knowledge and this is for some of them. All the things I cannot articulate in person. I hope this makes sense to you and you see my heart. And you understand that I don’t need you to worship Africa, just give her a chance and see her beauty.

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